


Lost But Not Forgotten

by Pennatus



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Fluff and Angst, M/M, can be pairing or friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 21:02:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/891824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pennatus/pseuds/Pennatus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't that people hated him, or spurned him, or bullied him. It was more that they didn't even see him. Not forgotten - because that would imply someone remembered him in the first place - but rather unimportant, like the background. He faded in and sunk away. </p>
<p>But when Derek Hale approached him, he felt...less background. More foreground. Less lost and more found. Derek probably wasn't conscious of it, but the man was so focused, so intent, so determined. And when Boyd became the object of his attention it felt as though everything else wasn't important.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost But Not Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> Season 3 spoilers.

When they first met, Boyd didn't know what to make of Derek Hale.

Boyd had always been…alone. He was tempted to say 'a social outcast', but that implied that he was in a group and that certainly wasn't true. The goths, the geeks, the losers, they all considered themselves 'social outcasts' and Boyd wasn't friends with any of them.

No, he was a strange sort of invisible. It wasn't that people hated him, or spurned him, or bullied him. It was more that they didn't even see him. He wasn't on anyone's radar, in anyone's group, on anyone's agenda. Not forgotten - because that would imply someone remembered him in the first place - but rather unimportant, like the background. He faded in and sunk away.

He supposed it was his own fault, really, but he didn't like thinking about it. About _that_.

But when Derek Hale approached him, he felt...less background. More foreground. Less lost and more found. Derek probably wasn't conscious of it, but the man was so focused, so intent, so determined. And when Boyd became the object of his attention it felt as though everything else wasn't important. The Hunters. The full moon. The possible threats. Boyd barely heard any of those, caught up as he was in Derek's intense stare. The Alpha gave his full devotion, his full attention, to Boyd. It was frightening and exhilarating at the same time, like walking along a cliff edge. Fulfilling. Derek didn't see anyone but him and Boyd began to remember what it felt like to be noticed. To be heard. To be _wanted_.

When Boyd said yes, Derek didn't smile, but he was clearly pleased.

And Boyd fell a little bit in love with Derek Hale.

 

\--

 

It'd been awhile since Boyd had anything resembling a true family. His mother and father were around, but they weren't together, not in the true sense. The words on paper were still valid and the rings sat on their fingers, but for all the interaction there was they could've been three strangers that happened to live together. They didn't really talk, they never ate meals together, they didn't even like sitting in the same room. Boyd couldn't remember the last time someone had said "good morning" to him. Holidays were nothing but a fuzzy memory. It was like he wasn't even living.

But Erica and Isaac more than made up for the lack of - well, whatever 'it was he was'/he was lacking. They were enthusiastic and snarky and excitable and _alive_. They laughed and teased each other and dragged Boyd along to movies, and to the mall, and shopping for make up (for Erica), and sometimes they just hung around and did nothing.

There was training, always. Derek seemed bound and determined to drive them into the ground. There were push-ups, crunches, twists, weights, thousands upon thousands of repetitions as that's how long it took to exhaust their new stronger, faster bodies. And when their muscles were aching and sore there was fighting, wrestling, all types of hand to hand combat, rolls, footwork, the proper way to use claws and teeth, tracking, how to kill, how to maim, an endless supply of information. Derek knew all of their limits and pushed them beyond, farther than they thought they could go and yet each morning they got up, a little stronger, a little quicker, a little more deadly.

Boyd loved every second of it. Isaac and Erica grumbled and complained but Boyd knew Derek's eyes would be on them, on him, for the entire time they trained. Derek would taunt and insult and teach, eyes sharp, watching form and enthusiasm. Sometimes they would flash red and he would take out his exasperation on them, drawing wounds that healed slower than other injuries. But no matter what, Derek's attention was solely on his betas and though he never said anything, it was painfully obvious that he knew they couldn't protect themselves. To Derek, the training was more than just teaching them to survive - it was the only way to show that he cared, that he didn't want them to die. To him, fighting was a valuable skill, one that needed to be passed onto his pack.

When they fought, when they circled each other, Derek's eyes were locked on Boyd. It made him think of all the things Derek had given him. A home. A family. A purpose. A goal.

And Boyd fell a little bit in love with Derek Hale.

 

\--

 

Boyd thought he was a little stereotypical but that didn't really bother him.

His grades were fantastic, if only because he had nothing better to do. At first he had hoped the extra effort would attract the attention of his parents, but he soon learned how foolish that hope was. Still, he thought maybe there was something later on. Something more, after high school. Everyone seemed to talk about college as some kind of sabbatical, or sanctuary, or maybe nirvana, and Boyd figured what the hell, he could hold on for a few more years. And so he kept his grades up, knowing he would have to pay for college and figuring it'd be easier to go wherever he wanted if his marks looked good on paper, but really it was just a way to pass the days. There were always things to study for or homework to finish.

Not to say he didn't do anything else. He liked music, a lot, more than he thought he would. It was kind of weird, how much he liked it, but if he enjoyed it why not. He liked writing music. It was relaxing, soothing. He liked to think that someday someone would find it and listen to it, maybe play it and bring it to life. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like playing with a friend, playing _to_ a friend, hearing their compliments and complaints and taking all their critiques to change the music. And since it just seemed easy, he picked up guitar too, to actually listen to the things he wrote. Sometimes it was just easier to sing it but he kept the guitar around because sometimes there just wasn't anything better to do.

So, he played and wrote music and had good grades. His life felt a little scripted. He just didn't see the point in breaking out of this mold though. He'd rather be predictable than do nothing and realize just how empty his existence is.

That is, how empty it _was_.

After becoming a werewolf, Boyd found there wasn't even time for himself. Between taking beatings from Derek AKA training, keeping up with Isaac and Erica's shenanigans, doing schoolwork, and battling the supernatural creature that happened to be after them this week (or human, because Matt and the Hunters weren't much fun either), he didn't have time for much else.

But one night Boyd found himself alone. Isaac and Erica were off doing who knew what, Derek was sleeping or running in the woods or brooding, his homework was all finished, and the thing(s) that wanted to kill them all had apparently decided to take a break. He figured he could work out or something but for some reason he walked over to his backpack and started fishing around.

He pulled out his composition book with some surprise. He knew he'd carried it around before all this (before Derek) but he hadn't realized it was still stuffed into the bottom of his backpack, kinda squished by the textbooks and other journals. He sat down on the floor and smoothed out the cover before flipping it open and skimming through the pages, remembering the notes and the melodies. It all came back to him quite easily and a smile slipped onto his face. When he came to an unfinished song - he'd been working on it the day before Derek had made his offer - he dug a pencil out from his backpack and started filling in circles and squares and squiggles.

A few hours later he heard Isaac and Erica come down and put the notebook to the side, forgetting about its existence as his new friends began babbling on about the movie they had seen (and a few movie goers they had trolled).

Its existence was forgotten until a few days later, when he turned to go to sleep and his guitar was sitting there, in its case, waiting for him. He stared at it for a few long moments, utterly confused, trying to figure out how it could have gotten there.

"I grabbed it from your house."

Boyd turned and there was Derek behind him, arms crossed, watching. He supposed he should have been creeped out that Derek had somehow managed to sneak into his room but it was a very Derek thing to do. Really, at this point it was more surprising when he used a door instead of a window. But why would he bring this back?

"I saw the composition book," and it was like Derek read his mind. "Just thought you'd want your guitar too."

Boyd opened his mouth and then closed it. He honestly wasn't sure what to say. Finally he managed to get out "thank you" and he was a little embarrassed at how breathy his voice sounded.

Derek scowled, his gaze jerking to the side. "Training tomorrow, early," was all he said before stalking away.

Boyd sat down next to the instrument and reverently stroked the case. Derek's act had made it a prized possession. He hadn't been particularly attached to it before - he hadn't really been attached to anything. But Derek had cared enough, had known enough about him, to retrieve it. Someone saw him, not as background, not as another student, not as an empty shell but as a person, a pack member.

And Boyd fell a little bit in love with Derek Hale.

 

\--

 

It was four in the morning and Boyd wished he was sleeping. He rolled over and sighed. What was the point in lying here and doing nothing?

He got up, figuring he'd go for a run, but hesitated. Maybe he should tell Derek he was leaving the den. It really wasn't that big of a deal though...

Nonetheless he found himself walking over to Derek's corner. Once he got there he stopped, staring.

It wasn't that he hadn't seen Derek sleeping, or shirtless. He had. Plenty of times. It's just that Derek wasn't the lay down and fall asleep kind. He'd seen him sleeping in chairs most of the time, his chin dropping onto his chest, looking tense and ready to spring into action even with his eyes closed. It was as if even though his eyes were closed and he was asleep he was still wary, still ready to face any attack, still disbelieving of his own safety. Sometimes Boyd wondered what kind of life he'd led after the fire, to have that caution and bitterness hanging around him like a shield.

Yet in all that time, he'd never seen him like this. Derek's face was smooth and crease free for once. He was on his side, curling in slightly, his meager blanket thrown to the side. His hands were loosely curled, his breathing deep and even. Even as Boyd watched he seemed to sense another presence and stirred slightly, rolling onto his back, his hands coming up to rub at his eyes.

As his eyes fluttered open, he asked with a voice still thick with sleep, "What?"

Boyd hesitated for a moment, then knelt down on the ground. Derek rolled his head to watch, eyes half lidded, silent and still utterly in control.

"Can I sleep here?" That wasn't really what he was going to ask but he realized that's what he wanted more than anything in that moment. To sleep next to that coiled power.

Derek didn't respond, just made a vague come hither motion with a hand. Boyd's heart rate picked up for a moment in anticipation as he crawled over to his Alpha. Derek lifted an arm and, a bit cautiously, Boyd laid his head on Derek's chest. He could hear the other's heart, beating strongly, the rhythm slow and steady. Derek's arm came to rest on Boyd's back, the fingers warm. Derek let out a little breath, almost a content sound.

He wondered if this would look gay, to someone who didn't know anything about them, then wondered when he stopped caring. He just felt too comfortable, too content, to worry about things like that. He closed his eyes.

He felt Derek's abs flex slightly as the other shifted, his arm around Boyd tightening temporarily, as though he was subconsciously afraid that small movement would scare Boyd off. Smiling slightly, Boyd closed his eyes, Derek's bare skin warm against his cheek.

And Boyd fell a little bit in love with Derek Hale.

 

\--

 

Ow.

Derek's face was pale and so close. Boyd could hear the his alpha's heart racing frantically, out of control, even as his own gradually slowed. Derek's hands were slick with blood but still so warm as he pressed them against the wound, the act making Boyd's mind flash back to the first night he had slept beside Derek, all those months ago. So much had happened.

It had been the best memories of his life.

Derek looked so heartbroken and Boyd wanted to assure him. He wanted to explain how much being a wolf had changed his life, how Derek had changed him. Derek wasn't a perfect human being, far from it, and he wasn't the best leader either. But none of that matter to Boyd. Derek had been there when everyone else was gone. He'd noticed when everyone else had ignored.

He'd acknowledged Boyd as more than just an existence. He saw Boyd as a person, a living being capable of feeling and bleeding and making bonds. Derek had saved him from a darkness Boyd hadn't even acknowledged, that had been closing in around him for so long.

He'd brought him Erica, and Isaac, and a home, and acceptance. He'd given him someone to sit with, always.

Boyd wanted to tell him but he couldn't quite find the words. He tried to show him, instead, Erica in her last moments. To him, that epitomized all that he had gained. Erica was beautiful and fierce and dangerous and refused to go down without a fight, just like Derek in some ways and yet so different, and her and Isaac were the most amazing friends he'd ever had and it was all Derek's fault.

This was how he wanted to die, Derek's face frozen in his mind, Derek's hands pressed against him, Derek's thoughts consumed by Boyd.

And he finally realized, as his bled out in Derek's arms, that he was more than a little bit in love with Derek Hale.


End file.
